Treating all Species: A Journey from Veterinary Tech to Nursing

Xanthia
My name is Xanthia. I'm about to be 26 and for the last eight years of my life, I have been an emergency and Critical Care veterinary technician, and recently, as in yesterday, I just started nursing school, and it's been a huge and big transition, but it's been something that I felt like that was the next step for me. I kind

Brooke Smith
I kind of want to start from the beginning, because you've been doing, um, vet tech med in the ER there for eight years. I would love to kind of just dive into why you decided to pursue it, what that was like for you, kind of what the last eight years of your life has been like before this transition. And then I think we can get into, like, why the transition?

Xanthia
Yeah, so the last eight years, when I first started veterinary medicine, I was 18, and so I think, like a lot of people that enter veterinary medicine, I love animals, but it wasn't just an Oh, I like animals. Let me go foster or let me go do this. It was like being able to care for them in their worst moments. And one of the things that I like really loved because I was considering veterinary technician versus potentially going to vet school, was the direct patient contact that I get as a vet tech, and that I'm the one that's doing the treatments. I'm the one that is with the patient for the majority of their hospital stay, and I get to see them through that. And so that's why I ultimately went the more patient care aspect of Veterinary Medicine versus going potentially to vet school. And in the last eight years, a lot happened again, obviously COVID happened, so vet med in general had to make a lot of changes to kind of work around what was going on. And especially in the emergency room, we there are stats that come in, there's codes that are run. And when you have patients that can't talk, we have to do a lot of communication. It's part of the reason that I think a lot of people that say that they go into vet med because humans are gross or maybe a little underprepared for what they're about to experience. Because I I deal with humans a lot like that is part of my job in vet med. And I think a lot of people maybe don't realize that we do deal with humans quite a bit, um, in caring for their best friend, it's been heavy. Emergency and critical care is not something that is light and fluffy. It is not an easy thing to do, and I think a lot of people are scared of it, and I don't disagree with the hesitancy to go into emergency medicine, but I also don't think it's impossible, it's hard, but it's not impossible. And I think that a lot of people think that emergency is so crazy scary is because we, when you talk about patient ratios, I've had 25 patients to just me before, and so that's I'm like, I say that. And people are like, Oh, okay, I get it. And I'm like, yeah. So it's a very different kind of beast than others might be prepared for, and these aren't. And I specifically worked a lot in the ICU, but I started out in emergency. And I do think that if anyone is considering ICU, you should work in emergency. It prepares you for critical care cases. Um, but yeah. So eight years of Veterinary Medicine, and I think I started out with a very similar idea. I used to say that I was, like an eternal optimist, and now I'm kind of a cautiously optimistic at best, and like just realist at the primary amount of my life is just being a realist and looking at things like, Okay, how realistic? How is this realistically going to go like, I don't want to like, I think, not getting people's hopes up, but also being able to communicate that like, this is what we're dealing with, has been a huge part of working in veterinary medicine, which I think is going to translate really well for me in human medicine, 12 hour shifts, overnights for six years, like I've done it all, but emergency medicine was always my happy place/

Brooke Smith
I'd like to get back a little bit to what schooling was like to become an emergency vet tech for people who are maybe listening, who would maybe want to go into a similar field that you are now leaving, but but any advice on what that schooling process looks like and how one kind of best prepares to be able to become a vet tech like that?

Xanthia
So I took the non traditional route, and I think that was in part due to a lack of discussion on on public forums about what veterinary technology actually is. My degree is in animal nutritional science. That's what I went to school for. There is currently, a thing going on in veterinary medicine with licensing and veterinary technicians, and who is considered a veterinary technician, there are a lot of states that are grandfathering people in because we were hired and told we were vet techs, and these are the roles that you get, and there's not a whole lot of oversight on what skills really should only be performed by people that have gone through extensive schooling. And so I was hired in a state of Maryland where licensing wasn't required to be considered about tech or to do pretty much anything, and so I was kind of thrown into the deep side. And there's a lot of situations I was put in where I was like, I should not have been put into those situations looking at it now eight years later, including like, running anesthesia on patients where I was like, I don't feel like I'm well trained enough for this. And I think there is a difference in there are people that are going to look at those situations and say, Okay, I just never want to be in that situation again. Or there's going to be the people in that situation where, like, Okay, I need to learn every single thing that I possibly can. Now, I do think that schooling prepares you for the basic knowledge and everything else you learn on the job, which is why there's a lot of on the job techs that have a lot of high skills. But for me, I was hired at a GP that I lasted at for six months general practice, in case anyone doesn't use vet med terminology, and then I switched to emergency, and emergency is where I learned primarily all of it. But if I'm going to impart any wisdom on anyone considering going into veterinary technology, it's to go to school, but preferably an in person, one. You're going to learn so much more than a lot of these online programs that are self paced, but that have not a whole lot of personal guidance or personal coaching where they can give you those okay, this question you got wrong, and this is why, as opposed to you got this question wrong, we're going to move past it. And so there are a lot of programs out there, and it's an associate's degree where you can get your bachelor's, and then for anyone that went through on the job training. I do still think licensing is important. Sit for the VT and E. You can go to Wisconsin, or you can go to Maryland. If you have your degree, you have to have at least an Associates. And you can sit for the VT and E, as long as you have met a certain number of skills that you've been like you can demonstrate that you've been able to do and you've been in the field for at least the field for at least two years. So licensing across the board is ultimately the goal for everyone, and there's multiple place ways to go to get that, similar to in human medicine. You can become a nurse by getting your LPN, or you can become an RN, and you can have your ADN versus your BSN. Like there are different ways to get to the same place, and not one isn't better than the other. It's the ultimate goal is just getting everyone licensed.

Brooke Smith
You talked about the reason why you chose vet tech medicine as opposed to going into becoming a veterinarian. You talk about how you're you spend more time with the patient. You're there more for the the in and outs of the of the whole process through their stay, can you talk about a little bit more the differences between your role as a vet tech versus a veterinarian, and kind of where you fit in there in that picture?

Xanthia
Yeah, so I think that a lot of people hear the word technician, and because of the connotation in human medicine for like a radiology technician, where that's a one very specific job in veterinary medicine, it is. We are the wearer of all hats. The only thing that we cannot legally do is diagnose, prognose, and perform surgery. So everything else are things that we're doing. In Veterinary medicine we have an incredible shortage of veterinary technicians. We have a bigger problem currently with a lack of veterinarians. There's just not enough veterinarians for the number of pets that have been adopted or bought in, especially in the last four years, but there's just it's we're in a crisis in that sense. And so the shorter we are on vets, the more that ends up falling on technicians, because they're trying to keep up with their records. They're trying to see as many patients as they can, and then we kind of pick up all of the treatments from that. So when you're looking at them comparatively, your technician is going to do a general overall assessment of the patient and be able to triage it. Mind you, I'm coming from an ER background, so triage is very important. It is a first line of defense, and then at that point, once your vet. Once you're able to see the patient, the vet's going to go in, do an exam, offer diagnostics, and the owners can decline or accept. And let's say all of the diagnostics are accepted. At that point, it gets entirely rounded over to the technician to then take care of all of the diagnostics that will have a more hands off role in terms of the treatments. They can do anything that we are doing for the most part. However, their time is primarily spent going over. What are we diagnosing this patient with? Let me communicate with the owner. Let me make sure that we're getting all of these records and we're scheduling things. Versus me as a technician, I am the one who's doing the blood work, running the labs, taking the X rays, getting your sisto, running anesthesia. Obviously, that's a huge, big difference, although there are anesthesiologists in veterinary medicine for the primary like, for the most part, I'd say most anesthetic cases are run by technicians, really just if you're talking about how long I'm touching a patient, or how long I am physically with a patient, I am the one that is there, I'd say 82% of the time. So there is a very large difference in how much time you're spending with them. And that's not to say that we care more about a patient, but we just get that more hands on time, and we get to see the case through. I feel like ultimately, a lot, and we make a lot of notes of the small we notice the smaller changes because we're physically with them more.

Brooke Smith
Sounds like the equivalent role of like a PA or an NP, that you can pretty much do a lot of what the veterinarian does, except for surgery and the bigger things like that. Are you also doing, like dental work? Or is that primarily the veterinary

Xanthia
Yes, we do also do dental work. So generally speaking, if you are coming to a hospital to get dental work. Now I don't see a whole lot of this in ER, but recently I've been doing a little bit more of it, because I've been working relief for dentals, the doctor will do a general assessment before we anesthetize them. There will be a technician running anesthesia, and then there will be a technician that scales the teeth, does the dental X rays, and then the only thing we can't do is extractions. So then the vets will take over for extractions. But they're not there for the most of it. They're generally they come in when we're like, hey, it's time to extract all these teeth that need to come out, like, come back. And then we finish up. We wake them up, we excavate them, and we do all of the other things as well, like getting their meds together, discharges, all of that fun stuff. So it's, it's definitely a team effort, but we try and take a lot of the responsibility, because the doctors are job like balancing a million other things that are not more or less important, but just things that we can't balance, that aren't on our plates, that aren't for us to take over. So we take on a lot of the things that we can

Brooke Smith
It makes sense. But also, I don't think there's a whole lot of awareness about the fact that what vet techs are doing, because even just talking, like, oh, well, you actually talk to the veterinarian, you know, on the phone, they call for the update. But it's like, really, the vet techs were in there with, you know, really, probably the one you'd want the update from is probably the vet techs who have been with your animal the whole time. But because it's, it's the doctor, you know, it's the doctor calling. It's like, okay, no, the doctor will call and let you know how your patient is, how your loved one's doing. So it's very interesting, because I really had no idea that it was so extensive your role as a as a veterinary tech, was so extensive in like, the day to day, like, moments of treatment for your animal?

Xanthia
I will also say that for a lot of those updates, and I have worked with some amazing veterinarians, and a lot of times that first call, they'll be like, so here I will happily talk to you as many times as you would like, especially with ICU patients, they're like, I will talk to you as many times as you want, but I'm just going to tell you right now, when it comes to updates, most of the time, you're going to not want to talk to me, because I'm going to be like, the last time I saw them, they were doing great. My tech hasn't said that anything has gone wrong, so I think they're fine. As opposed to, you call and you talk to the technician, and they're like, they ate a small amount. They perked up. Their eyes are a little bit brighter, like, we're the ones that are physically seeing them generally, especially in ICU, at least every hour. And so we're the ones with those long winded we can tell you everything that your dog has done, if you would like. It's like urine outputs, like measurement, I will happily tell you those are all that's all. Us that follows up.

Brooke Smith
So are we allowed to request, to ask, talk to the vet tech? Can we be like, Hey, we will

Xanthia
absolutely ask. I'm like, you can absolutely request and say, like, Hey, I'm calling for an update. I'd like to talk to the tech that is working with my patient, or with my fluffy or Bella, or whatever your pet's name is.

Brooke Smith
Yeah, it's interesting. I mean, I think there's, it's really great to just throw, you know, raise some awareness on this, on all that you guys do, to also to give them the the respect as well, and say, Hey, thank you. And like the appreciation as well. You know, even though it is a team effort, I just feel like, over time, just by by the way the system is set up, there's not really a way for us as the clients to know, hey, we all we should, you know, I didn't know that, and I've had dogs my whole life.

Xanthia
Yeah, I think that. I think it's really hard when you have such a large, dynamic team, especially when it comes to like patient care, and you think about, like, continuity of care. I if I'm in the ICU, I'm going to get the same patients. And I generally try and, like, make sure that the owners know, like, Hey, I'm going to be here for these days. So if you're here, like, if your pets here for all of these days, you are like, call, ask for me by name. That's fine. Like, I am happy to give you as many updates as you can. I never want someone to get frustrated because the doctor's in a room with another client that's brand new to the hospital, right? But I think it's also, at least for me, I think that I understand that in emergency and critical care, I am generally seeing people at their not their worst, but during their worst time. And so remembering my name is not your biggest problem. Remembering to thank me is not your biggest problem, just understanding, like as a society whole, that like, we actually are a really big and important part of the medical team. So it's just a changing the mindset on how the dynamic of the veterinary team works

Brooke Smith
Do you think that given all the responsibilities that vet techs do have, especially in emergency med in critical care, do you think that the compensation is fair, or do you think that that the compensation is more reflective of what people think that techs do and not necessarily what they're doing.

Xanthia
I think you, in your question managed to hit the nail right on the head. So I am the exception, not the rule. I have always been very open and transparent about how much I make because I think it's a really good way for others to be able to advocate for advocate for themselves, but generally, across the board, veterinary technicians are making like less than what you would make at your local McDonald's or your target. And when you keep in mind like these are people that are running anesthesia and in charge of like lives, it starts to get a little frustrating, and I think that is at least part why there has been such a large mass exodus of veterinary staff across the board. Think it's partially Yes, costs are increasing, as a lot of people have seen in all veterinary hospitals, but it's because they're trying to pay their staff appropriately. Think that, no, we're not paid enough. I make Okay, ish money. But I think that even if you like, we think that nurses like just, just to be clear, we think that, like, your base pay for nurses. It's crazy money. We're like, oh my gosh, nurses are making bank. This is amazing. And nurses don't make enough money. I like, I personally feel like the general, like, the average nurse that isn't necessarily living in like, a super high cost of living area isn't making enough money. But when you compare it to veterinary medicine, and you compare the job expectations, it, it's, it's, it's embarrassing for a lot of people, because you're like, I'm in a medical profession. I'm in charge of keeping people alive. And I also think that, and that is in part, due to the way that healthcare is set up for animals versus people.

Brooke Smith
But when you describe what your day to day life is like, especially in critical care and, er, the responsibilities you have all the work that you're doing. It's like, I can imagine, just based off of that, of the idea of it, that you're definitely not getting compensated in a fair way. So I think that's, that's true, that's, that's great part of this podcast too, is just a talk about like, the expectation versus the reality of what you're doing and what all the responsibilities you're having and what that pay is like, because I think that that can add to frustration. I mean, it's the same reason why a lot of nurses are leaving bedside. It's probably why you were talking as Exodus. Because. You're you're not feeling fairly compensated for the work and knowledge that you have that you're doing, and it's like a feeling for me personally, it would feel like I'm not being respected, I'm not feeling valued, I'm not feeling like what I'm doing is being compensated in a way that I can live my life in, it in just a fair way, you know, just to be able to do normal things that I feel like I've earned through my work. So can we talk? Can we maybe segue a little bit into why you decided to leave the vet tech realm in, er, in critical care? What kind of made that big decision? Like, was there a big moment that you're like, you know what I'm done, or did it kind of like sprinkle over time, and then one day you had enough. Can you just talk about a little little bit about why you decided to leave, what you were doing for the last eight years? So

Xanthia
I decided to leave. And deciding to leave was not an easy decision, and obviously I still am working in it through nursing school. But the decision kind of started as a slow trickle, and it was a, Oh, wow. If I ever want to leave that mad, I'm like, I'll go to nursing school. And that all started as a joke, and then it was, it was kind of like one of those, haha, it's a joke, and then it's like, Oh no, the joke's not funny anymore, because it's true. And so it it started as a trickle, it started as a joke, and then there's a lot of toxicity. And there's a lot of toxicity across all healthcare. There's a lot of mean girl energy. You don't have to be a girl to have mean girl energy. And I think that, and it's not the entire reason. There's a lot of factors that go into a huge career change like this, including I lost my heart cat, or she was five months old, and it was a very traumatic loss, losing her and I had brought something home from work, everybody, all of my cats, were fine, and then they all got an upper respiratory infection. And the only place that I'm going to be bringing home an upper respiratory infection from is work and so, or at least one, that affects cats. And so everybody else healed. She did not have an immune system, and she did not, she wasn't able to bounce back. And I think that when you bring something home to some one you care about more than anything else, it affects your ability to do your job and not resent your job. In some in some at some level, I, like, for two weeks, I didn't go to work, I didn't leave my bed, like, I was majorly depressed, and I was like, Oh, I'm fine. Like, after two weeks, I was like, Oh, I've gone back. I'm good. I can go back to work, and I didn't want to touch anything that was sick. And that's kind of not possible in emergency and Critical Care Medicine. I have OCD, and it's not just being a clean freak, it's, it's the intrusive thoughts of, I'm going to leave this hospital and I'm going to, like, bring something home that kills all of my cats, like I was already neurotic about my cat's hair and health and all of that, and then it became debilitating, and it got a lot better when I started um talking about it in therapy, but it was one of those things that I don't see going away. It was enough of a traumatic experience, um, that like it, it changed my perspective, um, enough that I don't want to ever have it like have my fears compromise my patients the way I care for my patients, and knowing that I have my own animals at home that I could bring something back to is always going to there's always going to be that fear. Now that being said, obviously the next question that a lot of people have had is, well, you can bring something home from the human hospital, and I You're not wrong, but and that that was, to be clear, that was the main kind of driving factor for the switch, the burnout is something that I'd been dealing with off and on, like, I think once you've been burnt out, once, like, you are going to burn out faster each time that you kind of bounce back from that. So this time, it was mostly, primarily driven and the like, actual decision to go back into school and get more student loans, yay. Was kind of driven by the fact that I was always going to be looking at cats, dogs, animals that I was caring for, and not even concerned about the zoonotic diseases that I could give myself. Right? Like, I'm not worried about getting sick from a pet patient, but I am worried about my pets at home getting something and not. Being able to bounce back from it. Yes, humans, I can get diseases from a lot of patients that I care for, right? But I don't have human children that i can bring home illnesses to. I have cats. I am a crazy cat lady. I wonder kind of sort of if any, if there are any nurses out there that have worked in NICU medicine or peds, and they're working with super sick kids that are potentially contagious, and they have similar fears about bringing home those kind of illnesses to their kids. And I actually talked to a couple of my friends that used to work bedside in pediatrics, and they were like, That's the reason I left. Was because the anxiety for like, bringing something home to my own kid was the reason that I was like, I can't do this. And then once their kids left home, they're like, I'm probably going to go back once they're like, out of the house. But like, during that time frame, and I don't see there, there ever being a time where I won't have my own animals, there was a trauma response that triggered my OCD to a new level that became not manageable, even with meds in my the setting I was putting myself in, and I I would like to be able to go to work and have joy and not just anxiety all the time, but I still think that I can get the fulfillment that I I achieved in veterinary medicine caring for patients. I just had to change what kind of patients I'm caring for to be able to continue to be able to make those kinds of differences in anyone's life. So

Brooke Smith
So, okay, this brings up a few I have a few questions. So my first question is protocols, so working in critical care and, er, where you're going to be around a lot more sick animals, or even in a situation where you're working in the emergency room, or, you know, the ICU for human patients, protocols, do you guys have, or does this exist where you guys can take all your clothes off, take a shower, have a new set of thing, of clothes, and is this a realistic expectation that you could put out there for yourself? Because it's going to take extra time to do it. You're going to have to have to do it every time you have a shift. And is that even actually, you know, doable kind of a thing. And just wonder, is there for people working in such, you know, critical care settings to protect this from from happening. So

Xanthia
we have isolation that is something that we have. We all generally come in in our regular scrubs. Like it depends on what hospital you have and whether or not you have, like a uniform, whatever. But we generally come in in our scrubs and we leave in whatever scrubs we're in. Now I personally had an auntie set up at my house because I was able to there was, like a front room, and then there was where the cats were. And even with that now, during the pandemic, PPE was very hard to come by in veterinary medicine, and what we got was pretty much whatever the human hospitals didn't need. So we have protocols in place currently, I think that there's maybe some hospitals with lax or protocols, but when it comes to emergency and critical care, we do still have a lot of those really strict protocols. And I personally was in charge of isolation and like, creating all of the protocols for how to be as like clinically safe and sanitary as possible, aseptic techniques and all of that, as well as like, okay, cool. We're going to set up all of these ways to keep from spreading things around. I think there's definitely room for improvement. I think for there to be kind of a enough of a change. I think that there would have to be some kind of standard that isn't just hospital to hospital. I think it would have to be at a higher level, like this is going to be our standard. And I think that all kind of falls back into how healthcare works for animals versus humans. There, each state has its own Practice Act. Each hospital has its own protocols. Each hospital uses different antiseptics, and I think like and it also does. And even still, now and we're in 2024 so it's been four years since the pandemic still like, first initially started, and we are still having a hard time getting appropriate PPE, because it is we, they prioritize the human hospitals and anything else that is left. We're able to order to veterinary hospitals and that, that includes medications too. And obviously, I'm coming from emergency and critical care. I. Worked in some veterinary hospitals that are GPS, and they have no kind of isolation protocol. They don't have PPE at all, even if something was to come in sick and they're concerned about it being infectious, there's nothing there, and being prepared for those shifts, like you can have a change of Scrubs. Some things that I would like to take from human medicine also this. I think that there are a lot of things from human medicine that I would love to see implemented more obviously, in a way that works for veterinary medicine, to kind of help protect those patients. But currently, it's very it's varying. It's very varying.

Brooke Smith
It's wild to me, because even you know yoga classes, like a yoga studio, they'll have like, three showers in the girls bathroom, you know, yeah, I feel like, if you're working in critical care, in emergency medicine for animals, you know that you should have something similar, where you would be able to clean up after shift

Xanthia
Emergency hospitals. So the emergency hospitals absolutely do have showers. Um, now, whether or not they're being used, like most people do not shower at work. Um, currently,

Brooke Smith
If you got paid to, like, if you if your shift ended, let's say you, you end at 12 hours or whatever. So then you, either you get paid for the .5 an extra .5 hours to clean up after. I mean, they do that in acting like, when you, when you wrap, uh, when you wrap. Like, if you had a 12 hour day and you, you finish wrap, then you have a certain amount of time, they give you, like, 30 minutes to get all your makeup off, get get changed, you know, all that stuff. Because you could have, you know, prosthetics, you could have whatever on, yeah, and then you get, you get paid for that extra time because you did, you you might have finished, but you're not done because you're still messed up from the shift. And so I think, like, yeah, should I think, you know, talking about, like, what works and what doesn't work. But that's why I kind of meant, like, Is it doable? Like, if you, if you were getting paid to shower after, like, that time was being you know, hey, you're still here. Take a shower. You have 30 minutes to, like, clean up, get get, get clean, and then you can go on your day to prevent things from, like, what happened to you? I mean, you could have lost all your cats, you know, it's, it's, it's really scary, and it's not right, because here you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation to help other, other pets and to do your job the best you can, and then no one's protecting you, you know? And that's, and that happens in all across healthcare. It happens in nursing as well. It's, but it's a problem that I feel like there are solutions for, but I just don't know how realistic they are, because I know for for me, I would imagine that if I were getting compensated for the time I had to take to clean myself up after a shift like that, I would be more inclined to do so if also the facilities were, you know, standard, like normal, like, nothing too nasty, you know where you, like, didn't want to or the water was cold. But you know what I'm saying? Like, there's definitely room to improve this.

Xanthia
I definitely agree, and I think that, and I think working in emergency medicine, specifically overnights, for so long, I think we all get a little jaded. But I think that, and like, at least in veterinary medicine, a lot of it is corporate, and the more like, I think that there those are like, these are things that we like. People have brought this up, not necessarily, getting paid to get a shower like I would happily, but like, having more shower abilities so that we could, like, even off the clock, even if we weren't getting paid, make sure, like, this is something that I think isn't, isn't a new idea. I think that the more that the ownership of hospital gets removed from the people that are working on the floor, the less human they see the people that are working and like, they see them as, okay, well. But like, does that make any sense for us? Like, how are they making us a profit? A lot of it is currently seeming to be a lot of for profit. And not that a hospital can't be for profit. But specifically in a way that kind of gives you the icky feelings. And so I think that trying to sell that to larger corporations as a great idea is hard, just because of the disconnect from the people that are asking for these changes because they're sitting in a very cush office talking about problems in a hospital that they probably haven't stepped in in over a year. I think that's where a lot of the the frustration grows from. And I think that's like the great ideas that people like float that could potentially be workshopped into even better ideas. Um, are being dismissed just because they don't immediately understand the the necessity of the change, um, that's being requested.

Brooke Smith
But then, unfortunately, people who are great at their jobs and really care and stuff, they leave the job. And then that's a disservice to, you know, even to the industry itself and in in, in, in time, is actually probably going to lose them money, because they're not going to be able to grow and have more people come in, because they're not going to have the vet techs and the veterinarians to facilitate all the all the needs of the patients. So it, you know, it's, it's, it's

Xanthia
It's a really gross cycle, and it's a really hard cycle to kind of balance. I've been on the management side. I've been on the floor staff side, and it's none of them are easy, like it's just across the board. It's not easy to try and balance all of it, and we're never going to make everyone happy.

Brooke Smith
So now you just, did you officially start nursing school yesterday? Is that? Yes, yes. Yes. What did you think of your first day there?

Xanthia
Okay, so I was expecting bells and whistles and exciting things. So it was the Friday, right? So it was that first day of classes before, like, the semester really started. I think going back to school and being in a, like, a classroom setting, I'm the weird person that really likes going to school. I'm the person who likes to go to the library and study for hours and hours on end. So I work well under pressure. So I like being extremely busy and having like, deadlines and all of that. So I am in a happy little like bubble of joy, of like, I'm back in school, it's, we're just gonna have to make it through. And so, yeah, school went. Well, it's nerve wracking, because I think that in the back of my mind I'm like, Well, I've been doing this for eight years, but like, like, I've been doing I've been in medicine for eight years, but like, what if I fail at this? And I think that at the back of my head is always going to be there until I finally actually get to, like, get the degree and sit for the NCLEX. And when I do that, I still think I'll probably have that link. But what if I fail? And I think it's very similar to when I started veterinary medicine, in the sense that there was always this, like, what if I fail? And right now I'm, like, I made it eight years I didn't fail then, like, it'll be fine. Like, there's, there's two very different narratives in my brain right now. One is saying, like, but what if you fail? What if everything goes wrong? Like, what if it's the end of the world? And then the other one's like, You're gonna be fine.

Brooke Smith
I think that's really relatable and like, that brings me to a point I was gonna say earlier, which was, like, all that experience that you've had for the last eight years, everything you've been through, everything you learned, nobody can ever take it away from you. So you have all of that knowledge that's only going to make you better at whatever it is that's coming next. I'm curious. I know you just started nursing school, but do you have an idea of where you want to go? Are you going to want to get into like, er, nursing, or are you going to try to do more general nursing? Like, where do you see yourself? Okay,

Xanthia
so for the last like, I don't know, my entire life, I've always said, like, I don't like kids, but actually, I really like babies. It's like, the when they start being able to talk back to you that I'm like, little draw queen or king like, but So my plan, the thing that I am leaning towards, but again, I'm, I currently am in a place where I'm like, I don't want to go in with like, super high expectations of I'm going to be a NICU nurse and then have it not pan out, or change my mind and then feel like defeated or upset with myself because I didn't do something, do something based on like it would be holding myself to anyway. The point being NICU neonates, I have done a lot of neonatal kitten rescue and teeny, teeny tiny things bring me a lot of joy, mostly because the changes and the development and the improvements, and even sometimes, like the declines, you see everything and it all is like you visually. Can see it. It's not where you look at yourself in the mirror. And there's teeny, tiny changes like these are things like day to day, massive changes, massive weight gains, like massive surgeries, but then all of a sudden they, like, start to look amazing. And I just think that, like, fulfillment wise, being able, like, part of the reason that I loved emergency and critical care was because I got to be the rock, the person that was able to say, and I love Jen Hamilton, so I'm going to say this, like, I'm like, you can be scared, because I'm not scared. And like that. Being able to be that for like, the parents of little NICU babies in also be able to tell them, like, I'm going to take care of your baby. Like. Like, you don't have to be scared like, or you can be scared because I'm not, like, I've got this like, you worry because I'm going to do everything that you can't do right now, right? That's kind of the biggest parallel for me that I can that I've found in my why, which is what a lot of people talk about in medicine, for veterinary medicine, to human medicine, that's kind of been the consistent for me, being able to like let people have their worst day and feel all of the things and know that someone else has got them in that moment, and not just them, but the but they're the thing that brings them the most joy in the world, the thing that they love, and so that's kind of why I think NICU medicine is kind of where I'm leaning towards.

Brooke Smith
Yeah, I can tell you have a passion for it. So that's really exciting. We're excited to watch the journey unfold and see how everything goes. That brings me to my other question I haven't asked yet, but if you could go back and tell your younger self a piece of advice or something you wish you had known or wish or you something even that you wish people knew about what you do, or just any, any kind of thing like that that you that you kind of want to put out there. Do you have something like that?

Xanthia
Honestly, I would even just like telling myself in November of last year, because that's actually when SOC passed away. She's passed away the day before my birthday. That, like, I was convinced that was it. I was convinced that was the end. I was convinced that there was nothing that was going to ever bring me joy again, and that, like my fulfillment was done because I didn't. I didn't feel any joy going back into work. I didn't feel any kind of happiness being able to help people like obviously, I still came into work, I still cared for patients. And it was, it was like a switch got turned off, and everyone's going to have opinions about the decisions you make for your life, because that's the human condition. Is a lot of judgment without understanding, but there are a lot of times people are making judgment because they want to understand, and ultimately the judgment you get, it only really matters. What like, why you're doing it? Are you doing it for you? Are you doing it for other people. And I think that had I made the choice to stay in veterinary medicine, it would have been to cause less of a like an upset for other people, as opposed to choosing me and choosing the hard decision, which was to leave and to do something different. Because different is scary. The scary thing isn't always the worst thing, and sometimes it can be the thing that, like, reignites the happiness, the spark the enjoyment, like I'm so excited to go to school every day, and that's a weird, weird flex, but like, here we are. I wouldn't have gotten here without making the uncomfortable decisions that I know I've been judged for, because there is some bad blood between nurses and vet techs, and I am choosing to see the good in both sides, and that you can do both and you can love both, and that like the judgment is always going to be there how you choose to proceed, whether your decisions are based on other people's judgment or based on your own wants and needs and goals, that's kind of going to decide how happy you are in life And when you're making decisions for yourself, even if they're hard decisions, you're going to eventually get to a point where you are happy, because the decisions you made were for you and not anyone else. And

Brooke Smith
I think it's it's it's so wise and true, and I think it takes a lot of courage to change and to change your career, it takes a lot of courage to and I think Self Realization, a lot of self self knowing, to be able to say, hey, you know what, I did this. But just because I did this doesn't mean that that's who I am now, and that doesn't mean that's what's going to make me happy now. Just because it made me happy four or five, six or a year ago. It doesn't matter. It doesn't I've outgrown this, and it's time for me to try, try another chapter in my life. And I think being able to not not only feel that, but and acknowledge it, but also have the courage to say, Okay, well, what changes do I need to do to make this happen? I mean, you didn't just talk about it. It might have started as a little joke, but maybe there was a seed down there, deep inside that you were already starting to feel like, Hey, I'm kind of ready to move on to a different part of my life. And I think it's very courageous and very inspiring. It reminds me of a. Quote something like Courage doesn't mean you're not afraid. It means you go anyway. It means you're new. Go anyway. And I think you know, not knowing that the unknowing is it's scary, but it's also exciting, because now you're opening up this whole new chapter of your life. You have all the knowledge you have from your past, from your experiences, that you're going to carry with you, and then you're going to be meeting new people, and like, who knows where your life is going to take you, you know, and and you might discover a new passion, new love, while pursuing nursing. It might be NICU, it might be something else. And I think staying open, open to the change and to what your heart says, I think, is it's it's so beautiful and extremely terrifying, and a lot of people don't do it, and then they have regrets in their life because they're like, Oh, I didn't listen to that little voice inside of me that told me to go pursue this other thing I wanted to do, because I was comfortable, because I was safe, because I didn't want to make waves, I didn't want people to judge me all of These reasons. And at the end of the day, you have yourself, and you have your when you lay down at bed at night, you have you knowing, like, you know what. I went for it. I went for it. I went and I did what I loved. Hey, I

Xanthia
I think the one you mentioned, like, you have no idea what you're going to do tomorrow, and that's exciting. Robin Williams there, there's a clip or a montage where it's like, what are you going to do tomorrow? And they say, Oh, I have no idea. And he's like, How exciting. And that for me, every single time that I like, think about nursing school, I'm like, okay, even if your doubts, like, even with all of that, like, just listen to the sound of Robin Williams telling you that it's so exciting because it's going to get you through nursing school,

Brooke Smith
yeah? And, I mean, even with you, and, you know, your own admission of having OCD and having the fear of, you know, wanting kind of OCD has, you want to have that control, right? And so you've kind of relinquished that control, but you've done it for yourself, like you've done it because, you know, it's for the better version of you. And I always make this joke my little brother and I because, you know, he might be doing something. And I'm like, Thomas, you know you shouldn't be doing that. And he's like, Oh, that's future Thomas's problem. But like, it can also work the opposite way, where the decisions we're making now in our current present life are going to affect future us. And so everything that you're doing now is making new version of xanthia in the future that you're going to be so proud of. 100% could not have said it better talk a little bit about and obviously it doesn't have to be our stethoscope. Just want to put it in here about what did your first stethoscope mean to you? Like receiving it, having it, using it. Do you remember what that feeling was like? And can you talk a little bit about it?

Xanthia
Yeah, so I actually so, okay, so my first stethoscope was a off of Facebook marketplace. It was from I, I swear it was probably from Amazon, but it was like one of those, like blood pressure, like Squeezy cuffs, and then also, like this, like, it was not a great stethoscope, but in that moment, I was like, Oh my gosh, I've made it. I'm in medicine, I have a stethoscope. Like, that's kind of what made it all real. And I have said this more recently, but like, even when I got my first stethoscope, I was like, Oh, this is an extension of like me. This is an extension of like me as a caretaker, or like part of the care team, like I feel naked. I feel like naked and like one of my arms has been cut off when I don't have my stethoscope because it, it, it, it's like a superpower. I can hear things that, like people can't hear. And I do think that when you go in and you're listening to owners, and you're listening to things, and you're like, Oh, okay. Like, no hurt murmur, like, I'm going through all of the these lists of things that like, oh, I don't hear this. Or, Oh, I hear, I hear, I may hear a murmur. Like, let's confirm this. I think that there's a trust that, like having a stethoscope in the room brings if you go into the room and you're feeling for femoral pulses, but you don't hear like, but you're not listening to the heart like, that's, there's, there's a certain level of okay, and whether or not this is just because I work in medicine, but like, I'd be like, where's your stethoscope? Like, why aren't you listening with a stethoscope there? There have been so many times that my stethoscope has saved my butt where I could have just gotten a femoral account. But like, oh, like, the heart is like hard to hear, and then my brain goes, Okay, my stethoscope is my best friend in this moment. Why can't I hear the heart rate? Right? So, like, the critical thinking of, okay, maybe we pull over an ultrasound, because, like, my stethoscope is not going to lie to me. Like my stethoscope is that extension of who I am and a good. A stethoscope is sometimes the difference between life and death. For some patients, I've had patients come in that and I was training someone at the time, so like this is the one that comes to mind every single time when I'm talking about how important it is to listen to the patient, not just like visually assess, but listen to them. Because the patient came in and it was lateral, lateral by the time he got to the gurney, um, so he came in, um, we listened to him. And by we, I mean, it was not me. And they were like, Oh, I can't hear the heart. So, like, let me get a femoral. She got a femoral. Obviously, could count that. But I was like, You didn't hear anything. Like, not even, like, oh, I can't hear well, like, you've heard nothing. And she was like, yeah, no, I didn't hear anything. And I was like, Okay, well, we need an ultrasound right now. And she had called it as a stable triage. And I was like, No, it's not a stable triage. It's, it's, it's got fluid everywhere. And that was why we couldn't hear because fluid, in case anyone was wondering around your heart, means that you cannot really hear the heart as well, if at all. And so in that moment, I was like, No, I because I double checked with my stethoscope. And I was like, Is this a training situation, or are we actually not hearing anything, and I couldn't hear anything? And I was like, not to say I'm perfect, but also I can find a heart rate, like I can find a heart. I can find the heart to listen to, and we couldn't. And I was like, okay, cool. Great, ultrasound. And then we were able to confirm that. But like, I had I just gone based on ephemeral that's that's opening up to the fact that that could have gotten progressively worse. Like, there's so many situations where my stethoscope has saved my butt, and I like it's an inanimate object, but it's also like it is my best friend in those moments. And shameless plug for MDF Instruments. They did not ask me to do this, but this is the best stethoscope I've ever had, I've ever listened with. I got it in the mail and I put it on and I put it up to me, and I was like, Oh, I like, I can hear everything. Now. My stuff is my previous stethoscope was getting old, but like this one magic tubing, convinced also it's pink and sparkly, and its name is Trixie, sparkly, and her name is Trixie, and I love her. This is the first stethoscope I ever got engraved, and having the treating all species on here was, I cried when I got her I did not put that on the internet, but it means a lot, because it's like, it's something that I'm carrying with me from like, it's, it's a tool that we use across the board in medicine. It kind of like there's a lack of division. I'm not saying that. Like we all don't have our preferences when it comes to stethoscopes, but like, across the board, we all want our stethoscope. You learn the stethoscope as much as it learns you.

Brooke Smith
Did you say that you're going to still be practicing? You're going to still be a vet tech while going through nursing school?

Xanthia
Yeah. So I'm working relief as a veterinary technician. So I pick up shifts. I pick which shifts I'm picking up at different hospitals while in nursing school. Still want to be involved as long as I can. I'm not leaving the profession because I hate it. I'm leaving the profession because I am choosing me. And so I want to be involved as I can. And also, it's really great for making sure my clinical experience and my clinical skills don't entirely go away. Also, for anyone that's considering peds or NICU, again, shameless plug for them you want as like, well, if I get a stethoscope that is just one size fits all like, I'm I'm gonna have to get a pediatric stethoscope, and then I'm also gonna have to get a neonatal stethoscope. Like, these are things that I'm going to need. And then that's actually how I stumbled upon the pro cardio stethoscope. And I saw that it like, literally breaks down into a bead stethoscope or in neonatal stethoscope, and you don't have to buy three different stethoscopes. I was obsessed.

Brooke Smith
It's great because you always have the option. So you don't have to buy it right away. You can just, you know, get the the regular adult version, and then always add it on at a later date. If you decide you need that, you definitely need it. And veterinary meds definitely need it. Sandhya for everybody who's listening and watching. Would you mind dropping your social media handles and kind of spelling them out for us, for everybody's listening and watching? I will also be linking it below so you can click and find her, but if just see if you could go ahead and give us that so that people can go over social and find you, I give you a follow.

Xanthia
My Instagram and my Tiktok are the same. It's xanthia Joyce. It's X, A, N, T, H, I, a, and then Joyce is spelled J, O, Y, C, E, and that's me. You can find me on all of the social media places, all of the platforms, all of them. @xanthiajoyce

Brooke Smith
She makes great content, inspiring, informative. She answers questions all the time. So it's Isuggest going over there, take a look at what she does, give her a follow, and I'm sure she's happy to answer any questions.

Xanthia
Yeah, I'm always happy to answer questions for anyone that's considering nursing, veterinary medicine, all of it. I am in a really lucky position to be able to have both experiences and not just one sided now, so it's exciting. Yeah, and

Brooke Smith
we're gonna have to do a podcast follow up in the near future and check out and see where you are in your journey a little bit further down the line. So we'll have to definitely do a sequel. But Cynthia, thank you so much for joining our MDF instruments crafting well on this podcast, it's been such a pleasure having you on. Thank you so much.

Xanthia
Thank you for having me.